I can text with my tongue
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
