Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
