spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
