Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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