Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
