I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
