You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
