You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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