and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
