Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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