gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
