Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
