In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
