Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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