It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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