I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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