You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize