Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
