I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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