..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
