Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
