and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
