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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
