I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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