No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
