I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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