I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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