my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
