I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
