the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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