I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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