whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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