I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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