his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
