like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
