I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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