Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
