I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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