she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
