OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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