We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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