how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
