He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
