Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
