I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
