I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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