i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
