Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
