That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
