Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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