Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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