best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
