My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
