Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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