I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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