I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
