Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
