I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
