i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
