physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
