Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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