took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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