I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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