My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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