So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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