he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
