EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
