Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
