last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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