Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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