My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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