My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
