Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
