Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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