Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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